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Inventing Sex

May 27, 2014 by Mark Rubinstein Leave a Comment

While doing psychiatric consultations at an Assisted Living facility, I sat in on a residents’ council meeting, where twenty people mostly in their 80s and largely cognitively intact, discussed issues of concern.

Various matters came up—dining room service; Sunday brunches; and other communal issues. The social worker leading the discussion was about 35 years old and seemed to relate to the residents in a slightly patronizing way. Sitting at the back of the room, I said nothing.

Read more on Psychology Today >>

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Filed Under: Aging, Psychology Today Columns Tagged With: attitudes toward older people, elderly people, entertainment for the elderly, sex

Sex with a Former Patient

January 31, 2014 by Mark Rubinstein Leave a Comment

The temptations of the profession

Some years ago when I was single, Eva G began psychotherapy. She was unhappy because she was repeatedly involved in ungratifying relationships with men who were at least 20 years her senior. She was quite attractive, bright, articulate, and wanted to understand her need to date older men.

The psychotherapy continued once-weekly for about seven months. She quickly developed insight into the dynamics of her choices in men, and began making better decisions in her dating life. When it seemed Eva’s goals were reasonably met, the therapy came to an end. When we parted company, she knew the door to my office was open should she want to look deeper into her conflicts.

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Filed Under: doctor, Psychology Today Columns Tagged With: boundaries, dating, patient doctor relationships, psychotherapy, relationships, sex, taboo, therapist

PTSD and the Legal System: The Jodi Arias Case

March 25, 2013 by Mark Rubinstein Leave a Comment

Let me say at the outset, I never examined Jodi Arias or reviewed any records in the case.

Jodi Arias is on trial for murder in Arizona.

She admits to shooting her boyfriend, Travis Alexander, stabbing him multiple times and slashing his throat from ear to ear. Ms. Arias claims to have little or no memory of the murder. A defense-retained psychologist testified Jodi was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder which arose from the murder itself.

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Filed Under: Aging, Psychology Today Columns Tagged With: attitudes toward older people, elderly people, entertainment for the elderly, sex

All In the Family

February 7, 2013 by Mark Rubinstein Leave a Comment

In June 1979, I received a call from a young man. When John and I met, he talked about his father. His dad was a rough-hewn man who belittled and humiliated John, whose self-esteem was crumbling steadily.

Though he was in his mid-thirties, John still lived with his parents. I soon realized John was dependent on his father. He even worked for him. It was quite clear: despite his protestations, John’s wish was to remain a “boy.”

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Filed Under: Aging, Psychology Today Columns Tagged With: attitudes toward older people, elderly people, entertainment for the elderly, sex

“Gerald’s Game” by Stephen King

July 27, 2012 by Mark Rubinstein

For all you lovers of horror novels out there, there’s one book by the master that’s far scarier than any of the horror stories Stephen King has told. It’s “Gerald’s Game.”

Here’s the set up: A husband and wife have this little sex “game” they play once in a while. He handcuffs her to a bed and they have sex. She’s not crazy about this little game, but consents to please her husband. This time, things don’t go very well. In fact, they go very badly.

While she’s shackled to the bedposts (both hands in separate handcuffs), she decides she’s tired of this little game and tells Gerald “Enough!” But he doesn’t listen, and finally, she kicks him, and Gerald rolls off the bed. He dies of a heart attack, on the floor. They’re at a vacation house, in the deepest woods near a lake in a very rural and lonely area.

She’s lying there with both hands cuffed to the bed; her dead husband is at the foot of the bed, and there’s no way she can escape this situation. Time passes, day turns into evening, then to night, and the sounds of the woods are frightening.

I won’t get into any spoilers, but at some point, a stray dog enters the cabin and begins devouring Gerald at the foot of the bed. The horror is plentiful, and plenty scary, and she begins reliving in her own mind various long-buried events from her childhood–ones that in a way are connected to the predicament in which she now finds herself.

Will she ever escape this situation? Will the dog turn to her after it’s finished with Gerald? And who is that man standing in the corner on the second night she lies there, bound and helpless? What on earth is going to happen?

It goes to show, among other things, that real events can be more horrifying than supernatural ones. They are the stuff of which nightmares can be made.

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Filed Under: About Books, Mark Rubinstein Tagged With: handcuffs, horrifying, horror, horror novels, nightmares, sex, sex game, shackled

Savages by Don Winslow – Chillingly Real

July 5, 2012 by Mark Rubinstein

Some of you may have seen previews for the new Oliver Stone film, Savages , based on the 2010 book by Don Winslow. Here’s my review of the book:

Savages Savages is a uniquely creative novel. It’s quirky, filled with ticklish wit and unforgettable descriptions, and beautifully written by the same author who gave us The Winter of Frankie Machine and The Death and Life of Bobby Z, Don Winslow.

It’s the story of two men from Laguna Beach, California–Ben, a genius botanist who grows the finest weed in the world, and his longtime best friend, Chon, who provides the muscle for their boutique enterprise–and they woman they share, Ophelia, otherwise known as “O.” The trio makes for a compelling mix of wit, sex, and brilliant dialogue. There’s a shopping spree (and a sex scene) that cannot be topped by anything in contemporary writing.

When the Mexican Baja cartel decides it wants Ben and Chon to work through them and not independently, the men won’t cooperate. Cartel thugs kidnap O as a bargaining chip, and all hell breaks loose.

In this novel, Don Winslow uses language in a hip and magical way, at times even writing scenes in screenplay format. He conjures images, thoughts, and feelings with a touch that’s so chillingly real, it makes your spine tingle with a mixture of awe, fear, and admiration.

Yes, the bullets fly and blood and guts splatter with abandon, but the heart and soul of the story is the unyielding bond among these three characters and their refusal to yield to the greedy forces that threaten to overwhelm them.

I’m holding my breath waiting to see how Oliver Stone has translated this incredible novel into a film. Savages is a must-read for anyone who loves contemporary writing.

— Mark Rubinstein, author, Mad Dog House (October 2012)

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Filed Under: About Books, Reviews Tagged With: bond among characters, book, botanist, contemporary writing, novel, romance, sex, spine tingle

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